The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
