What a fucking waste of an outfit
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
