this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
