mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why didn't you poke me back
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
