He kissed a someone with a penis
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
