im drinking this country out of the recession.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
