i think my tv is drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
