i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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