she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
