dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
