she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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