ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
