Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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