Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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