just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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