i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
