does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
