If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
