Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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