If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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