So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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