i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
