This girl is more easily done than said...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
