well I can't set my house on fire every night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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