i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize