apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
