I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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