Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
