He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
