people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How external is "for external use only"?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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