I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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