He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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