What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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