when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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