Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
