I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize