I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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