Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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