She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
