Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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