I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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