Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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