I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
