i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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