I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
