i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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