i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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