Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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