Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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