So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize