Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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