I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
