I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
