Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Say something about gay babies.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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