i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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