i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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