just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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