my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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