Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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