I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
