i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
