im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize