he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
