either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
