Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
