a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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