Where is the hickey?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
