By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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