Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
